Mattie Claire ~ 10 Months

Dear Mattie,

Somehow, we have made it through another month of our first year without you.  I know you must be watching out for us because I know we couldn't do it alone. I still miss you everyday.  Although these posts are getting harder to write as it is getting harder to picture the little girl you are supposed to be today from the little newborn baby that I held 10 months ago, I refuse to give up writing about you for the world to remember you.  In the grief and loss community, we compare the loss of a child to a storm.  Our children before the loss are our sunshines, and I am blessed with two wonderful little rays of sunshine.  Children who come after such a loss are affectionately called rainbows because they do not erase the storm, but they help us see beauty and blessings after the storm.  I like that analogy.  I also like how we explain to the world that this is not a loss from which we can move on.  We know that people who have never experienced the loss of a child can not truly understand how we feel, but we just ask for them to give us some grace and understand that it is our "duty" to remember our children who left this world too soon.  No one wants to put themselves in our shoes because they don't want to even imagine this kind of pain.  I understand that.  I still don't ever want to imagine losing either of my boys or another child.  Some of the writings and pictures that are shared in the grief community explain our feelings and needs to remember a little better than my words.  

I will always protect your memory, sweet Mattie.  I will never allow you to be forgotten as long as I am still alive.  That is what it means to be a mother of an angel.  

This month, we made some special memories with you.  As you know, Easter is Mommy's favorite holiday.  We took a special trip this month and took our annual Spring family pictures together.  I wished you could have been with us, but I still planned our outfits including yours to match.  We also visited your grave and took you some new Spring flowers and a little Easter basket with one of your bunnies in it.  We will always keep your special things for you. 

Together Again

My 3 little blessings!

Of course, your wardrobe would have been extra cute this month with some special Easter outfits.  Lots and lots of bunnies!

Another cute outfit from Lolly Wolly Doodle.  

And a sweet little Easter dress. 

I just hope you get a little joy watching over your family from heaven and seeing how much we all love you and miss you.  Sending lots of hugs and kisses!

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Evan & Brody