Dear Grieving Mothers on Mother's Day

Mother's Day as a grieving daughter and mother can be hard.  On one hand, I am extremely thankful to God for the precious miracles He has entrusted to me.  On the other hand, I will always feel like an important piece is missing from my life.  I longed for so long to have a "normal" mother daughter relationship.  I was thankful for the mother that God gave me through the miracle of adoption and for the good years we shared together, but the road hasn't always been easy.  I also love being a boy mom, but I longed to have a relationship with a daughter of my own to feel what I never really had with my own biological mother.  I longed to give my own daughter what I never had.  I had a rough life in the beginning in foster and children's homes and finally adopted later in childhood.  After I was married, we decided to start our family and were blessed to have two beautiful, healthy baby boys in 2007 and 2011.  In 2012, we decided to try to have one more in hopes of having a girl.  We were blessed to get pregnant easily and were so excited to find out she was a little girl.  We prepared everything for her...her room, clothes, etc.  Then, after a long and tiring pregnancy while completing my last year of law school and working full time, I finally went into labor at 40 weeks and 6 days.  Labor seemed to progress normally through the day as we monitored my contractions, but when we arrived at the hospital and I was examined, no heartbeat was found.  How could this happen?  Our beautiful baby girl was taken from us just when we thought our dreams would come true.  Over the next five years, I was beyond blessed with two more little baby boys (one a complete surprise) who filled our hearts and home with so much joy.  They were indeed "rainbows" as we refer to them in the loss community.  I won't lie and say there wasn't a tiny bit of disappointment right at the moment I heard "it's a boy" during the ultrasound, but my disappointment disappeared just as quickly because my boys have my whole heart.  They are just amazing!  We thought we were done having babies with four little boys to raise, but in 2018, we got another little surprise blessing.  We were having another little girl!  We finally welcomed our beautiful rainbow daughter in January 2019 in a pretty scary delivery experience when she came a month early and almost died from a placenta abruption.  Her whole pregnancy was my worst, but I am so very thankful for her.  We mothers of angels do not take anything for granted!  I just wish we all could give ourselves some grace and know that others just can never fully comprehend what we feel and that is okay!

My Granny, Grandma, Mom and daughter Mattie are in heaven.

Please know that if you have lost a mother, daughter, beloved grandmother, sister, friend or any person who makes this particular day difficult for you to celebrate, your feelings are completely valid even when others don't understand. Please reach out to me here so I can pray for you and encourage you.

Mother's Day 2018

Mother's Day is always a special day to spend together.  I cherish the title of mother/mom/mommy more than anything in the world, and I am just honored to be the mommy of so many precious babies.  My boys always make me feel like the most loved mother in the world.  We had a simple day of attending church, eating lunch together, and going home to rest and play. 

Pictures are always a must.  My sweet big boys each wanted to write a message for me. 

And oh how I love these precious little rainbow babies.  

Proud mommy to five precious babies. 

Our official church picture.  Well all but two of us were smiling so that ain't bad. 

Mommy got a little sweet treat at church.  Brody decided to try a jalapeno at lunch.  Haha! 

The boys played with bubbles in the yard when we got home. 

This sweet baby just wanted to play with Cocoa's dirty ball.  

And I just want to remember the mothers that I can't see or talk to anymore here on earth, my Granny, my Grandma, and my Mom.  I also miss my sweet little Mattie everyday and especially on these special days. 

Remembering Nana

This past week has been another particularly difficult one for all of us.  On Tuesday, February 4, 2014, my sweet mom went to her heavenly home after many years of battling many health problems that had finally led to her being in ICU on a ventilator.  After all her suffering, we are thankful that she isn't suffering any longer and is now "healed."  My family and I went home to help my dad plan and prepare for a funeral that met her specific requests.  She didn't want a big show and didn't want people walking by and staring at her body in a casket.  We chose to honor her wishes with a closed casket and only her close family saw her before the funeral.  Still, we felt that a special service was needed to honor this lady and all of her wonderful accomplishments in life.  For me, I needed to express my thankfulness for what she had especially given to me.  In order to do so, I decided I needed to say a few words to her at her service.  I read the following letter to my Mom:

"Dear Mom,

I am so thankful and blessed that you "chose" to be my Mom!  You are my Mom although you did not have to be.  You truly make me feel special, but at the same time, I still feel unworthy!  I don't think it really had anything to do with me.  It was God's plan, and you were willing to listen to him and for that I am thankful.  You listened when he called you to follow him and to follow your husband when he began his work as a minister.  You listened when he called you to leave your home and go to work in a Home for Children to become a mother to many children of all ages, racial and ethnic backgrounds.  You became a mother to a house full of motherless children, and the true testament to your love for each of them is that they all would stand here today and speak words of love about you.  I know this because I received messages of love and remembrance from many of these young women in the last few days since they learned of your passing.  You listened to God again when he called you to become a "real" mom to one of your little girls and her older brother and to give them a more stable home.  I will always love you and need you, and I will strive every day to show my thanks.

Love always and forever,
Your Daughter"

I also asked a dear family friend and minister to sing a song expressing my feelings of thanksgiving for the life of sacrifice my mother lived.  The words of the song just speak to the way she lived her life:

I dreamed I went to heaven

And you were there with me

We walked upon the streets of gold

Beside the crystal sea

We heard these angels singing

Then someone called your name

You turned and saw this young man

And he was smiling as he came

And he said friend you may not know me now

And then he said, but wait

You used to teach my Sunday School

When I was only eight

And every week you would say a prayer

Before the class would start

And one day when you said that prayer

I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS

Thank you for giving to the Lord

I am a life that was changed

Thank you for giving to the Lord

I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you

And said remember the time

A missionary came to your church

And his pictures made you cry

You didn't have much money

But you gave it anyway

Jesus took the gift you gave

And that's why I'm here today

CHORUS (repeat)

One by one they came

Far as your eyes could see

Each life somehow touched

By your generosity

Little things that you had done

Sacrifices you made

They were unnoticed on the earth

In heaven now proclaimed

And I know that up in heaven

You're not supposed to cry

But I am almost sure

There were tears in your eyes

As Jesus took your hand

And you stood before the Lord

He said, my child look around you

For great is your reward

CHORUS (repeat)

I am so glad you gave.

I had these pictures displayed after the funeral for her family and friends to see and remember her the way she would want to be remembered as a daughter, wife, mother, nana, and friend to so many.

I also took some pictures of her family viewing and funeral for memory's sake.

We got to pick these sweet keepsake magnets for her casket and then to keep.  She was a Loving Mother and a Beloved Wife and is now In God's Care.  My dad, brother and myself each kept one of these.  

My boys getting to say one last earthly goodbye to their nana.  Brody wanted to give her a flower to hold that he accidently broke off the arrangement. 

Brody helped me give her the flower.

Papa says his earthly farewell to his beloved wife of almost 39 years.  They would have been married 39 years on March 1st. 

My dad at the funeral at their home church.

My brother and I picked daisies for her flowers as they were her favorites.  She loved how happy and cheerful they were.

Brody looking handsome after the funeral.  He was wearing a tie and coat for the service.

Thank you, again, Mom, for all you gave to us and for all the wonderful memories we shared!  I hope you felt truly honored by your special memorial service.  Now I hope you enjoy getting to hold and rock your granddaughter in your arms until we can all be together again.