My Maternal Grandmothers

My friend, Kiki, suggested we participate in this lovely challenge to share some stories of our maternal grandmothers as part of our genealogy preservation work.  I have actually always meant to write more about mine.  As an adopted child, I was not blessed to know my biological grandmothers, but I do have some photographs of them and know from my older brother and some other relatives that they were special.  

My Biological Grandmother

Anna Laura McGuire Allman

Born:  March 14, 1914

Watauga, NC

Died:  July 5, 1978

Salisbury, NC

Parents:  Dell Mack McGuire and Frances Arbella Howell

Step-Mother:  Ada Trivette McGuire

Siblings:  Verna Lee McGuire, Mack Howell McGuire, Idella Mae McGuire, Claude Allen McGuire, Robert R. McGuire, James Monroe McGuire & William Howard McGuire

Spouse:  Barner James Allman

Step-Children:  Betty Jean Allman and James Ray Allman

Children:  Ronald Dell Allman and Connie Nell Allman

Anna was a shy young girl who was very close to her family.  Her mother died when she was at the tender age of 15.  Her youngest brother, Bill, was only 2 at the time and was lying in the bed with his mother when she passed away unexpectedly.  I can only imagine the trauma this caused to the family.  Her oldest sibling was 20 and probably already out of the house.  Anna's sister, Idella, who was about 17 did take over many duties of the family matron.  Her poor father was left to care for his 8 children the best he could.  He later found a wonderful woman named Ada to love and care for him and his children.  Even after Dell's death in 1956, Ada lived on to care for her husband's children and grandchildren until 1979.  I know she was there to help care for my older brother, Paul, as a young child.  

Grandma Ada holds great-grandson, Neal, with daughter Anna and granddaughter Connie. 

Grandma Ada helps granddaughter Connie care for her first son, Paul. 

Grandma Ada was such a sweet and special lady.  

The oldest picture I have of Grandma Anna is this one with her in the middle in a wheel chair between her sister, Idella, and son Ronnie.  I am not sure what afflictions she suffered, but she is younger than her sister Idella who looks so young and hip here in the 70s.  I can remember a little of Aunt Idella.  I don't think she ever married or had children, but she was so beautiful and fun.  Just look at those gorgeous legs!  

Grandma Anna did look well and young here with her children, Connie and Ronnie, and Ronnie's first son, Neal. 

My Adopted Grandmother

(Granny is the younger child with her older sister Doris)

Glady Aileen Sullivan (she hated the name Glady)

Born:  June 19, 1917

Wayne County, NC

Died:  October 9, 2007

Wilson, NC

Parents:  Henry Gilbert Sullivan and Mary Ward

Siblings:  Kermit B. Sullivan, Doris Sullivan, Gilbert Sullivan, Edna L. Sullivan & Cedric E. Sullivan

Spouse:  General Jasper Ginn

Children:  Lena Gray Ginn, Mary Lindora Ginn, Sandra Ginn, A Baby Boy, Jackie Carol Ginn & Henry Shelton Ginn

Granny Aileen was such a special part of my life after I was adopted.  She filled so many empty places in my heart where grandmothers should have been.  We lived right down the road from her and were surrounded by her farm.  It was a great life.  I enjoyed walks to her house on the little farm paths, helping her with her yardwork, eating many meals at her table with the most delicious homemade delicacies, and even helping her in her chicken houses.  Oh that lady was busy!  I would worry about finding her in the hot chicken houses in the heat of summer and would often go in to check on her.  Of course, I had my nose clamped shut, but the smells never bothered her.  She said, "They smelled like money."  Haha!  Eventually, I believe she did lose her sense of smell altogether.  She was so feisty.  She was a wonderful Christian lady who would never say a bad word except the occasional "Sh" word that would slip out.  It was cute to hear from my little 4 ft. 6 (probably) granny.  She had a green thumb and could make anything grow.  Her yard was always so beautiful, and yes, she did it all herself until almost 90.  She drove a little white pickup truck most of my childhood until she decided it was no longer safe for her to drive.  She mostly just drove around our little town and to church.  We spent many a Saturday morning together as I would beg to go with her to eat breakfast with all her friends at our local Hardee's.  We would sit and talk and eat together for over an hour at least.  Mind you, this was an early Saturday morning for a young pre-teen.  She would always say, "Are you sure you can get up that early?"  Haha!  Then, sometimes, we would hit the yard sales that morning.  My Aunt Lena often joined us. Lena was Granny's oldest daughter, and they often seemed more like sisters at this stage.  Granny also loved to fish.  She did have a little pond on her property, but I was never sure it had anything but snakes and frogs.  Her best friend and sister-in-law lived down the road.  Granny and "Aunt Minnie" would often fish together at a larger pond down there.  Granny also enjoyed quilting and often hosted quilting parties at her house.  She taught me how to quilt although I never attained her level of skill.  She was a pro and could sew the tiniest stitches so straight, even, and fast.  I miss those evenings together and all the laughs and stories told of old times. 

We always gathered at Granny's for all the holidays.  Easter egg hunts at Easter.  Christmas Eve parties.  Thanksgiving.  The table was always full of the best food like her homemade chicken pastry, many layered chocolate cakes, and buttermilk biscuits.  Oh how I loved watching her hands work in the flour and buttermilk to make those perfect treats.  Dinner was often finished with some biscuits and syrup or molasses for sopping.  I was her youngest grandchild for a few years until my Uncle Shelton remarried and gave us a sweet new grandson, Dalton.  Dalton kept Granny young for years as she kept him daily while his parents worked.  I just loved this lady with all my heart!  

I never got to meet Pa as he passed before I was adopted, but I know he was the best father and husband.  His death was such a tragic story.  He was devoted to Granny until the end.  He had a known weak heart due to an inoperable blood clot.  He knew not to overdue it.  One Sunday after church, he and Granny went to the mall so she could get a baby gift for a church shower.  Upon leaving, it was pouring rain.  Granny went to get the car for them, but Pa realized too late that he had the keys in his pocket.  He ran after her to give them to her.  Later that day, he was suffering from extreme weakness and exhaustion from this event and went to sleep in his favorite chair. He never woke up.  Granny had to live many years without her beloved life partner, but she was a strong woman who never gave up.

One of our favorite pastimes was playing cards.  Granny would often come to our house in the evenings for card games.  She really loved laughing at me when I would get mad about losing.  Haha!   Mostly, we played Rummy although here it looks like a little game of Go Fish during a wonderful summer visit with my other Grandma from California.  Having both of my grandmothers together was a rare and special treat!  

Another rare snapshot of Granny at our house actually smiling at the camera.  I may have taken this one. 

And another beautiful candid smile from Granny at my wedding reception. 

 

One of Evan's first trips was to visit his Granny.  I just knew he had to know his Great-Granny ASAP.  

Evan was the only one of my children to get to meet Granny.  It breaks my heart. 

We got to celebrate Granny's 90th birthday in 2007.  Granny was actually still in great health and really always was. 

Granny sat with her younger sister Edna who was talking and pointing a finger at feisty Aunt Minnie.  I am thankful I took these photos of these ladies. 

Granny with her favorite youngest grandchildren, me and Dalton. 

Later that year, Granny decided she was lonely at home all day by herself now that Dalton was in school.  She moved herself into a local retirement home where she could always have company.  She enjoyed sitting in her chair doing her crossword puzzles.  I visited her many times that summer with baby Evan.  Sadly, she suffered a bad fall at this home while going to the bathroom.  She injured her hip and ended up in a nursing home.  When I visited her in the nursing home, she had declined so fast, and it broke my heart to see a woman who I knew to be so strong and active suddenly bedridden.  She was sleeping as a leaned over her and whispered into her ear that if she was ready to leave this world and go to her beloved husband, I would miss her but I would understand.  Yes, she passed shortly after, and I believe she heard me.  

Granny, I will always love you!  You gave this girl someone to look up to and admire.  I sit crying writing these words to you.  I hope you are smiling in heaven with your husband, children, and your great-granddaughter, Mattie.  

Dear Grieving Mothers on Mother's Day

Mother's Day as a grieving daughter and mother can be hard.  On one hand, I am extremely thankful to God for the precious miracles He has entrusted to me.  On the other hand, I will always feel like an important piece is missing from my life.  I longed for so long to have a "normal" mother daughter relationship.  I was thankful for the mother that God gave me through the miracle of adoption and for the good years we shared together, but the road hasn't always been easy.  I also love being a boy mom, but I longed to have a relationship with a daughter of my own to feel what I never really had with my own biological mother.  I longed to give my own daughter what I never had.  I had a rough life in the beginning in foster and children's homes and finally adopted later in childhood.  After I was married, we decided to start our family and were blessed to have two beautiful, healthy baby boys in 2007 and 2011.  In 2012, we decided to try to have one more in hopes of having a girl.  We were blessed to get pregnant easily and were so excited to find out she was a little girl.  We prepared everything for her...her room, clothes, etc.  Then, after a long and tiring pregnancy while completing my last year of law school and working full time, I finally went into labor at 40 weeks and 6 days.  Labor seemed to progress normally through the day as we monitored my contractions, but when we arrived at the hospital and I was examined, no heartbeat was found.  How could this happen?  Our beautiful baby girl was taken from us just when we thought our dreams would come true.  Over the next five years, I was beyond blessed with two more little baby boys (one a complete surprise) who filled our hearts and home with so much joy.  They were indeed "rainbows" as we refer to them in the loss community.  I won't lie and say there wasn't a tiny bit of disappointment right at the moment I heard "it's a boy" during the ultrasound, but my disappointment disappeared just as quickly because my boys have my whole heart.  They are just amazing!  We thought we were done having babies with four little boys to raise, but in 2018, we got another little surprise blessing.  We were having another little girl!  We finally welcomed our beautiful rainbow daughter in January 2019 in a pretty scary delivery experience when she came a month early and almost died from a placenta abruption.  Her whole pregnancy was my worst, but I am so very thankful for her.  We mothers of angels do not take anything for granted!  I just wish we all could give ourselves some grace and know that others just can never fully comprehend what we feel and that is okay!

My Granny, Grandma, Mom and daughter Mattie are in heaven.

Please know that if you have lost a mother, daughter, beloved grandmother, sister, friend or any person who makes this particular day difficult for you to celebrate, your feelings are completely valid even when others don't understand. Please reach out to me here so I can pray for you and encourage you.

Mother's Day 2018

Mother's Day is always a special day to spend together.  I cherish the title of mother/mom/mommy more than anything in the world, and I am just honored to be the mommy of so many precious babies.  My boys always make me feel like the most loved mother in the world.  We had a simple day of attending church, eating lunch together, and going home to rest and play. 

Pictures are always a must.  My sweet big boys each wanted to write a message for me. 

And oh how I love these precious little rainbow babies.  

Proud mommy to five precious babies. 

Our official church picture.  Well all but two of us were smiling so that ain't bad. 

Mommy got a little sweet treat at church.  Brody decided to try a jalapeno at lunch.  Haha! 

The boys played with bubbles in the yard when we got home. 

This sweet baby just wanted to play with Cocoa's dirty ball.  

And I just want to remember the mothers that I can't see or talk to anymore here on earth, my Granny, my Grandma, and my Mom.  I also miss my sweet little Mattie everyday and especially on these special days. 

The Good Ol' Days

I’m not really sure where this post is coming from.  Thoughts have just been tumbling around in my brain for a while, and I thought it would be good to get them out and perhaps share with someone.  I don’t even know where this thought process started.  Somehow, it led to this statement and a question.  When were the good ol’ days, really?  I can’t help but think of this lady. 

My Granny with her big sister, Doris, as a little girl.

My Granny with her sweet, adoring husband on the farm they called home.

Granny holding my firstborn son the year that she turned 90 and then passed away.

She’s my Granny.  I am sure I heard this saying the most from her when she talked of life when she was younger.  She was born in 1917 and lived to the ripe old age of 90.  She was one tough cookie who enjoyed life right to the end.  She would describe her childhood growing up on a farm in good ol’ Eastern NC as the good ol’ days and described memories of sitting out in her yard with her family in the evenings (hard packed dirt and not the lush green grass we have become accustomed to…and quite frankly spend a lot of money to maintain).  Chickens ran free in the yard.  You could actually see them under the house through the planks in the floors.  She wore sack cloth dresses and went barefoot with all of her siblings.  They lived on a farm.  She learned to work hard from the earliest age.  They were “dirt” poor.  Does this sound like the good ol’ days to anyone?  I guess times were simpler, and they just appreciated the little things more.  Time with family and friends was precious.  Maybe it was the food?  Boy, could that lady cook!  Homemade everything…most of it grown or raised on the very farm on which they lived (oh and they didn’t worry too much about cancer back then either…I wonder why?).  I used to love watching her wrinkled and sun-splotched hands work a bowl of flour and buttermilk to make the most delicious biscuits.  I really wish I had learned to do that.  She described the period she grew up in as the good ol’ days.  The 1920s and 30s!   Really?  Didn’t we learn in History class about the dreadful Great Depression?  And the two World Wars that followed?  People were poor, unemployed, and starving.  That doesn’t sound very good to me.  I guess her family was already so poor and thrived mostly off what they grew and raised themselves so the Great Depression really did not reach their little corner of the world.  Sometimes, I wish I could have lived in these simpler times where time seemed to pass a little slower. 

BUT…

Then, I think of the opportunities I have; that my children have.  Sure, we are always busy.  But mostly, I think we are busy because of the choices we make in how we live our lives.  We don’t have to spend every hour of every day working just to provide for our basic needs.  We read for fun, play sports, watch television shows that are often mindless and just plain dumb, go to school to better ourselves and hopefully move up in the world, and just fill our spare time with whatever extracurricular activities we choose.  Sure, we work but not just to feed our families.  The American Dream used to be two acres and a mule.  Now, its two acres; a big house; maybe another house in some vacation mecca; a couple of expensive cars in the driveway; a closet full of expensive clothes, shoes, and accessories; traveling; early retirement; and maybe after all that’s accomplished we marry that showcase perfect husband or wife and have a couple of kids (in my area, its three or four kids).  I guess I wonder a lot about where the appreciation for life’s simpler pleasures went.  The media doesn’t help much with that. 

I love the opportunities that I have for my children today, but what does it really cost us?  I want my children to grow up to be successful in life, but I mostly want them to be kind and caring individuals who know how to appreciate the treasures of home, family, and memories shared together.  I think everyone who chooses to become parents has a goal in mind as to what kind of parent they want to be and what they want to give their children.  When my husband and I decided it was time to have children, we discussed our goals.  I explained that my main goal was to give my children a childhood that would be so packed with wonderful and fun memories that it would follow them for the rest of their lives.  I guess what I really wanted for them was for them to be like my Granny.  When they grow up, I want them to say “Those were the good ol’ days!”  When they look back on this time, I don’t want them to remember the great financial crisis and struggles that threatened the country or the constant stream of sad and terrible newsworthy events.  I just want them to remember happier and “simpler” times!

Celebrating Granny's 90th Birthday!

In June 2007, we got to celebrate Granny's 90th Birthday with her and are very thankful that we had a big celebration for her since this was her last birthday on this earth! She was a very dear and special lady who had lived the honorable virtuous life of a Christian woman! It is strange to think of all the things she lived through, World War, Great Depression, the civil rights movement, the roaring 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's! She really seemed to be very little affected by this ever changing world around her. She had lived her entire life on a farm, had been devoted to her husband for over 50 years when he was called away to be with his Lord, was a devoted and caring mother to her 5 children until the very end, and was a beloved grandmother to many grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren who knew her! We are so thankful that she got to meet Evan before she left us!

Here are some pictures from this wonderful celebration:


Granny's Birthday Cake - It seemed weird to have a cake that Granny had not made herself "from scratch"! Memories of Granny's fabulous cakes will never be forgotten!


Granny shares a special moment with her two youngest grandchildren, Sherry & Dalton!


Granny with her Pastor, Allen, and her baby sister, Edna!


Uncle Shelton & Dalton ~ the last of the Ginn's!


Evan meets cousin Jennifer!


Cousin Brad and little Barrett enjoy the celebration too!


Evan meets cousins Scarlet & Pam!


Evan meets Mommy's friend, Katina!