[Inspired by the movie and book The Shack.]
I know you are described as a father to the fatherless. Will you also be a mother to the motherless? I feel as if I have been denied the love of both. I know I have been angry with you. I wanted to blame someone for my loss and pain. Being denied parents and then the daughter I wanted to know so desperately was just more than I could bear alone. But I pushed you away again and again. You sought me out. Sometimes I did try to listen and to speak back to you, but the words would get all jumbled up. I failed time and time again as my anger, sadness, and resentment kept me from seeing you. I want to see you, walk with you, talk with you, and receive comfort from you. I want to feel the peace of forgiveness and a clear mind. I know you love me as I love my own children. I want to sit and talk as father and child telling you everything in my heart. But I am ashamed of so much in my heart. My angry outbursts towards my precious husband and babies when I am really just angry at myself. I feel like I have barely been treading water for years. I am so tired of doing it alone. I want to walk on water with you. I want to cry all of my tears onto your shoulder and have you dry them all away. I want to feel you loving me especially. I know that you are good and that evil does not come from you. I know that sin and death are not from you. I know that you did not take Mattie from me but that she is alive and perfect and happy with you. I want to be with you and her. I want all of my children to know you and be with you. You are my friend and my father!
Love,
Your Daughter
I love your transparency, and I love you. Praying comfort for you friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you, sweet friend! Have you read or watched The Shack? I have watched it twice recently and can't get enough although it brings some heavy tears. So many movies have done that lately. Eddie and I also loved Miracles from Heaven and Collateral Beauty.
DeleteThank for sharing this open and honest letter today Sherry. So often, when I am angry at God, I don't state it outright. Which is ridiculous because God already knows how I feel. I am praying peace and comfort over you today.
ReplyDeleteOh my friend, I can so relate. I love that God can handle of the ugly of our hearts. He knows what is in there already. I have been walking a similar path as well this last year. But, it was time to be honest with myself. I have been working on a post that I have been reluctant to share. But you have just encouraged me to do so. It goes along with what I am speaking on next week at a ladies meeting. I am praying for you and your family. Praying we can both finally move to the acceptance part of this grief journey.
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