Our Disney Trip 2017: Jingle Cruise & Jokes

I am working on getting more posts up about our amazing Disney World trip, but I just wanted to share one of our favorite rides.  Okay, this was probably just a favorite for my husband and I.  At Christmas time, the traditional Jungle Cruise becomes the festive Jingle Cruise.  Eddie and I both agree that if we could work anywhere in all of Disney World, we would most enjoy being a skipper on the Jungle Cruise.  The Jungle Cruise is the old and timeless animatronic boat ride through the jungle.  The best part of the cruise is the jokes.  It is like a boat comedy tour.  I will try to share some of our favorites. 

"Skipper:  What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Some Passenger says enthusiastically:  Elves!
Skipper:  Okay, that is our technically correct term.  Do you know their grammatically correct term?   No?  Anyone?  Subordinate Clauses.  Uh huh, that's a grammar one."   

"Skipper:  So how is everyone enjoying the Magic Kingdom today.  (lots of enthusiastic responses)  Yeah, it is a magical little place...I like to call work.  Anyone wake up this morning and think...Jingle Cruise, gotta do it?  Oh, I am so sorry.  I know that feeling way too well.  I wake up every morning and I'm like...Jingle Cruise...gotta...do it. (said less enthusiastically)." 

"Skipper:  So I would like to thank all of our sponsors who made this trip possible today.  First, animal crackers.  Teaching all children that all animals taste the same.  Delicious.  Zebras, the every other white meat." 

These lost safari members are climbing up the "North Pole."  

"Skipper:  We are now entering the most dangerous part of our journey.  Shhh...this is a bad place to be headed."  

"Skipper:  Oh no, look at the hippos that are about to attack the boat!  Don't worry, I know just the thing that will scare them away.  Worked on my last boyfriend.  (screams) HEY, HIPPOS, I LOVE YOU.  I REALLY WANT TO MARRY YOU AND BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND EVER!"  

All the elephants want for Christmas are their two front teeth.  Poor Bertha was so smelly, all of the skippers got together to give her the gift of a shower.  I don't think it helped.  

"Skipper:  Awe, look at those elephants bathing over there.  You know, you may think that's water coming out of their trunks, but it's snot."

"Skipper:  Here is my very good friend, Trader Santa.  Everyone say, Hi, Santa!  Trader Santa is the head salesman in the jungle.  Lately, his sales have been shrinking.  It's a bit of a cutthroat business.  So he is offering a nice holiday special today.  Two of his heads for one of yours.  That is a great way to get a head start on your holiday shopping.  Trader Santa is what we like to call a true humanitarian.  He is always serving people.  Last Christmas, he threw a huge holiday party and invited me and my boyfriend over.  I said, Santa, your wife makes such delicious soup.  He said, I know, I know.  I'm going to miss her though."  

"Skipper:  Now as we approach, please notice that there's a dock on the left and a dock on the right.  But don't let it confuse you, it's a paradox."  

"Skipper:  Now folks, we have laughed together today.  We have cried together today.  And I'm driving so there was such a good chance we would die together today.  Some people would say that makes us like a family.  I am not one of those people.  Now, get out!"