Dear Mattie,
Well, here we are. Somehow we made it through a half a year without you here with us. I admit that sometimes I don't really know how I did it. The clock just keeps ticking despite my best efforts sometimes to stop it. It doesn't seem fair sometimes to keep going without you. We also celebrated your first Christmas as a part of our family. Christmas should have been a lot different. While we managed to make great memories with your brothers, it wasn't the same. You should have been in our family pictures wearing a cute matching Christmas outfit. You should have been sitting on Santa's lap looking so pretty and "stealing the show" everywhere we went. You should have received your first Christmas gifts. Well, you did get a few "gifts" this year. You got a couple of special ornaments for the Christmas tree and a stocking of your own. I would have loved to have bought you some fun girl Christmas toys too though. Throughout this month, I kept thinking about how Jesus' mother, Mary, must have felt after witnessing the miracle of her son's birth and life and then having to watch him suffer and die for the world. Losing you gives me a whole new perspective on the loss and heartache Mary must have felt when she watched her precious son die. I would never have wanted to watch you suffer, but I would have given my own life if it meant you could have had the chance to live. I still love you with all my heart. I know that is never going to change. I am sad that I feel like I can barely remember how you felt in my arms. I knew that would be the hardest part of this. I just didn't get enough time with you. I continue to pray for peace in my heart over this whole situation and for the strength that I need each day.
If you were with us on Christmas, you may look like either of your girl cousins who were also six months old their first Christmases:
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| Mommy with cousin Cate in 2011 |
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| Big brother Brody and cousin Cate for their first Christmas. |
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| Sweet Emma's first Christmas in 2004. |
If you were here this month, here are some of the cute outfits you may have worn:
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| One of the first dresses Mommy purchased for you after Christmas last year. Mommy definitely wanted you to have this smocked nativity dress. |
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| A cute Carter's Christmas outfit. |
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| A pretty red dress for church. |
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| And a pretty red smocked Christmas dress to match your brothers' red Christmas outfits. |
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| A fun and festive Christmas outfit. |
Your special Christmas gifts:
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| Your sweet little stocking with an angel on it. |
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| And a special angel ornament for you. |
Some of your Christmas presents may have included:
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| Your first tea set. |
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| Your first cuddly baby doll. |
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| And although I am a little ashamed to admit it, I am sure I couldn't resist buying you some princess toys like this little princess castle. |
Although I am sure none of these gifts compared to a Christmas spent in heaven, I hope you enjoyed watching over your family this Christmas. We love you, little angel!
Love,
Mommy
Oh Sherry, I hope you know how much I wish that Mattie could have been here on earth with you these past six months rather than watching over you from heaven. I can't even imagine how much you much miss her. I love her little smocked nativity dress and she definitely would have been stealing the show this Christmas. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and even more so today. I love you, sweet friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Natasha! I wish we were ending this tough year on a more positive note, but I truly hope that 2014 continues to bring happy memories and blessings for us all!
DeleteSherry, what a beautiful letter to your sweet girl. My heart just aches for you and at the same time, I am inspired by your strength and courage to keep going on and loving. I have thought of you so often this month. My love to you....
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Marci! Your thoughts and prayers are definitely appreciated. It was a pretty crazy month filled with lots of highs and lows. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
DeleteI'm still so sad for you I don't know what to say. Still praying. My mom lost a two week old baby girl. After going to see a Christian counselor, she decided to get put on an adoption waiting list. Two years later, her and my big brother came and picked me out. They got to take me home when I was only two months old. Hope this can encourage you somehow. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI still pray for your stength every day too. I definitely don't tell you that enough, but I do. Mattie's nativity dress is so sweet. I have never seen a nativity dress like that before. My mom and I were looking at all the little girl dresses in church and we didn't see any plain red ones. We thought that was strange. Mattie would have looked beautiful!
ReplyDelete